so here's a thing ..
i never knew my mom as keeper she never stops complaining to other people even if they're strange .. i mean she would break a record for that she can tell my lifetime story in no time .. i mean in a gathering when people are complementing me she would stop them with an action i did or she would simply give them a bad review about me .. i mean i would bring some people over like my cousins and she would enter and tell anything negative about me .. i am a true kind of person i am kind clear and sensitive i am hurt and broken by the people who must share some with me like for example my PARENTS thats why i change myself into the mean uncaring trying to survive girl .. i dont get much of attention but i turn that into anger i put into my grades and the appreciation people outside my home gives me .. i sometimes think a ROLEMODEL an IDOL is so much from people outside my family are trying to make me .. i then realized i am true whenever i am not surrounded by my mean family ..
i am who i am when i get to know new people .. i am who i really am when i'm at school or talking to a stranger i am who i am and truly am when i get into relashionships knowing girls and talking to them .. but i am not who i am when i'm with my family because i am trying to survive thats why i try to ignore but still forced to please everyone .. still forced to do duties and work for other family members when i am not in the need to .. i am still forced to smile at the family and all the members even i am suffering from the inside .. yeah i can i can still smile at everyones face and pretend like i am OK i can always get in a conversation and never tell what i am really feeling .. cuz why ?? not everyone means the common question they always ask " how are you ? "
not everyone gives a damn about your life no one cares everyone is busy and i feel that .. people ask you how are you for an only answer "ok" thats what they wanna here .. i am only 17 and i have the mind of a 30 yeah i do because you never know what abilities i am capable of .. i depend on myself in everything i never let anyone do things for me cuz i know there is a day they will mention the things they did and i dont want that .. can you believe that my parents are the kind of person who never do things to you untill you nag and push them to it and when they do even if its simple .. ghe hell started .. they mention it till the day you die .. i mean if it was in my hand i wouldnt have the nerves to ask you ..my parents never felt grateful for the kind of daughter i am ..
i dont mean to brag  .. but for the things i did i must be a golden star .. i am except only outside my family's area i am everyghing perfect outside the house i have great friends not perfect the kind that knows everything about me but relashionships as many as i cant imagine .. i have great teachers and even the principal they brag about me they love me and always care for me .. i am perfect with my grades always the top of my class and i am great with conversationd i present ceremonies i am always a choice to be picked up for everything i always enter competitions and win first places ...
yeaaaah but is that enough for my parents hell NO yeah i am nothing to them .
" the pain of black memories can never be healed "
-R*
 


Chiara
09/17/2013 1:22pm

You are a shiny star but people can't see you light if they don't look at the sky, but we they will do it your light will show them who you are.

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